I wore a custom-designed eco-friendly hemp-silk corset dress with black lace sleeves and skirt panels. We had no bridesmaids, groomsmen, or flowers (my bouquet was made of kale).
THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL
what the fuck is vegan wine
Wow. Rather than making me hate weddings, I now want to have like five weddings that are better than this one, just to scrub this from my brain.
Also a boob-grab wedding picture? For real?
(via foldysox) My favorite moment: When we exchanged rings, Matt said “You’re the queen and I’m the king,” and I replied with “Nothing else means anything.” (It’s a lyric from the Nine Inch Nails song “We’re In This Together.”) My funniest moment: We surprised everyone by whipping out a meat/coconut cleaver and using it to cut the cake. After making the cut, I licked the cleaver clean!
Oh my god you had the dream wedding of every 16 yo goth kid. But you’re like 30.
I had to stop when they said they made a goddamn pb&j sandwich during their ceremony
It’s really bugging me that in the picture where she is holding her ring her nails are uneven.
And that’s the most serial-killer looking meat cleaver I have ever seen.
That boob-grab pic is just… these people are probably incredibly unbearable.
Oh. My. Stars. I cannot look away from this wreck.
WAIT. HOLD UP.
“For instance, we played Nine Inch Nails, Type O Negative, and H.I.M. songs to highlight strategic moments of the ceremony (entrance and exit) and reception (entrance, first dance, cake cutting, etc.).”
No, children. No.
I love wedding snark so much. It’s keeping me warm on this cold winter night.
No, seriously, WHAT THE FUCK IS VEGAN WINE.
“We wrote our entire ceremony from scratch, including quotes by Steven Pinker, Ayn Rand, Vladimir Nabokov, and Trent Reznor.” Help
BUT SERIOUSLY SOMEONE NEEDS TO STOP AND EXPLAIN VEGAN WINE.
YOU’RE QUIRKY AS FUCK. WE GET IT. The reason your family chose not to attend your wedding, you “offbeat bride,” you, is not because it was non-traditional or child-free. It’s because you’re an aggressively pretentious smug pain in the ass, and I’m willing to bet they all made a pact that they didn’t have to suffer through what sounds like an obnoxious and painful wedding, good only for causing secondhand embarrassment and copious eye-rolling on the part of your guests.
I really must know the juicy quote from noted romantic™ Ayn Fucking Rand that screamed, “YES! THIS MUST BE INCLUDED IN OUR ‘ELEGOTHY’ NUPTIALS!”
Clearly they are love makers, not takers.
see what I hate Neruda!
“Tell us about the ceremony: We wrote our entire ceremony from scratch, including quotes by Steven Pinker, Ayn Rand, Vladimir Nabokov, and Trent Reznor. We read poems by Pablo Neruda (“Sonnet XVII”)”
I still want to know what Vegan Wine is!!!!!!
“superfood chocolate truffles”
AYN RAND, who Jim Henson once called the real-life manifestation of Oscar the Grouch. That’s all.
FORREAL THOUGH WHAT IS VEGAN WINE
A KALE BOUQUET THOUGH???????????????????
I hate the whole schtick that goes with this, but her dress is quite lovely and I dig the rings. The rest of it is just comical though. How very “offbeat” to have your wedding at a ‘historical loft’—pullease.
I seriously just fuckin’ threw up in my mouth a little. Oh my freaking god, can I just slap them both silly?
In my head I was yelling “Shut the fuck up about Nine Inch Nails! Trent Reznor would hate you with the firey passion of 1,000 suns!”
Regular wine is often made using animal products to get of contaminates and such, vegan wine uses non-animal products to accomplish the same thing.
I just can’t even. I’ve been trying to even for at least a couple minutes, but I keep laughing, and laughing, and laughing. And I just can’t even. Oh boy. *wipes away the tears*(via tbridge)
Now I’m second-guessing whether or not our wedding reception entrance to the third guitar solo of November Rain was contrived.
Then again, we aren’t the worst.
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